第 364 期·中文精讀

克里斯·沃斯:FBI 人質談判專家

Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator

前 FBI 人質談判專家分享高危場景下的談判技巧,如何用共情與傾聽讓對方說出「是」。

官方音訊00:00 / --:--
中文精讀由 AI 基於原始訪談改寫,非官方翻譯,可能存在偏差或錯誤;表述以原音訊與官方文稿為準。說明

“我們從不和恐怖分子談判。”

這句話幾乎每一任美國總統都在鏡頭前說過。但 2002 年小布什簽署的第 12 號國家安全總統指令(NSPD 12)裡沒有這句話,檔案寫的是:我們不做讓步。不做讓步,和不開口說話,是兩件完全不同的事。

克里斯·沃斯(Chris Voss)當時人在哥倫比亞,深度參與了這份檔案的起草與簽署。使館的二號人物跑來質問他:昨晚總統在電視上說我們不跟恐怖分子談判,你是在說美國總統撒謊嗎?沃斯的回答很乾脆:他大概是那麼說了,但那不是他籤的那份檔案。

二十多年過去,那句口號還在流傳,檔案原文依然沒人讀。沃斯在 FBI 幹了二十多年人質與危機談判,後來寫了《絕不退讓》(Never Split the Difference)。他在這期播客裡講的東西,表面是談判技巧,底下是關於人怎麼形成判斷、怎麼被說服、怎麼在完全沒有信任的前提下,跟一個隨時可能殺掉人質的人建立一條通道。

最難的案子,是從一開始就看著要輸的那種

Lex 問他,最難的部分是什麼。沃斯的回答裡沒有出現任何具體技巧,他指回了局面本身:如果一開始就很糟,而你還必須往裡走。

什麼叫很糟?2004 年前後的伊拉克基地組織給了一個標準樣本。他們在鏡頭前處決人質,為的是 publicity。同時又要做出“我們在講道理”的姿態,於是發宣告:72 小時內把伊拉克監獄裡的女囚全部放出來,否則殺掉人質。

這個要求就算美方願意答應,72 小時的物理時間也不夠走完任何一層決策流程。提一個對方無論如何都做不到的要求,等於提前把桌子掀了。

第二層更麻煩:他們不留號碼。所有話都發在媒體上,沒有一條渠道能讓沃斯這邊把資訊傳回去。想談的人找不到對方的耳朵,這在人質案裡是致命的。

第三層是家屬。綁架案裡,談判專家通常不是直接跟綁匪對峙的那個人,他在幕後教練家屬。家屬目睹的是綁匪在電視上每一次公開喊話,而沃斯必須坐到他們面前說實話:希望渺茫,非常渺茫。他的原話是,當勝率只剩“渺茫”和“零”兩個選項時,我選渺茫,但依然是非常非常渺茫。

那個時期確實有若干人質被殺,直到局勢慢慢被扭回來。沃斯說,跟家屬打交道是最難的部分。

他們故意不給你溝通渠道,同時要求你去做一件你做不到的事。這兩件事疊在一起,就是非常糟糕的開局。(克里斯·沃斯)

對方向誰喊話,洩露了全部底牌

Lex 問了一個技術性問題:公開渠道和私下渠道,能不能談?

沃斯的回答裡有一個反常識的判斷:綁匪選擇媒體,這個選擇本身就是情報。他們選擇對媒體喊話,說明在他們心裡存在“好媒體”這個概念,那自然也就存在“壞媒體”。接下來要做的,就是讓他們嚐到壞媒體的滋味。這套打法的效果來得不快,在對方真正收到訊號並停下來之前,中間反覆了好幾輪。

這段對話裡藏著一條對任何溝通場景都成立的規律:一個人選擇用什麼方式跟你說話,比他說了什麼,資訊量更大。公開發聲是想要觀眾,私下打電話是想要結果,兩種動機指向完全不同的解法。搞錯了,所有的力氣都會打在空氣裡。

Lex 順著問了一個更軟的問題:共情有沒有下行風險?他的

沃斯的第一反應是回頭去查這個詞的出處。

他講,empathy 最早是對一個德語詞的翻譯,用它的場景跟人際無關,是一群人在琢磨:這位藝術家到底想表達什麼。判斷一幅畫、一件作品,試圖還原創作者站的位置。所以從詞源上,共情從來就是“理解對方從哪來”,裡面不含“我認同”這一項。

後來他跟哈佛談判專案(Program on Negotiation)的鮑勃·姆努金(Bob Mnookin)合作。姆努金寫過一本書叫《超越贏》(Beyond Winning),第二章的標題是“共情與果斷之間的張力”。沃斯說,那是他讀過的關於共情最好的一章,到現在也沒被超越。姆努金給的定義,核心就一句:共情不等於同意,甚至不需要你喜歡對方,你只要理解他站的位置,並且把它說出來。

這句話聽起來溫和,實際威力大得離譜。因為它把共情從一種情緒狀態,變成了一項可以隨時呼叫的動作。你不需要先感到溫暖,才能使用它。

共情不需要任何形式的同意。正因為不含同意、不含同情、不含憐憫,你可以對任何人共情。(克里斯·沃斯)

Lex 追問了一句:那普京呢?

沃斯說容易,很容易。他不認同普京的做法,也不認同他的手段,但他能把對方的位置還原出來。戰爭初期他讀到一篇文章,語氣輕蔑,說俄羅斯本質上就是歐洲的加油站。他順著這個說法往下推:如果你是那個掌舵的人,你養活全國的方式依賴一個全世界都發誓要退出的行業,化石燃料,而你沒有替代答案。那麼你治下的人最終會獨自在寒冷和黑暗裡死去,會凍死。這個推論不代表他認同對方,但如果你無法向對方展示你理解他的處境,你就永遠無法跟這樣的人說上話。

這段話值得停一下。很多人把共情當成一種道德姿態,一種善意的表演。沃斯把它當成一種情報工作:先把對方的世界模型完整地重建出來,重建到他自己都承認“對,我就是這麼想的”。重建的過程不需要你點頭,只需要你準確。

一句“你相信……”,讓對方點了頭

上世紀九十年代初,紐約的民事法庭在審一起恐怖主義案件。當時有一股很強的聲音主張這類案子該進軍方的軍事法庭,FBI 一直反對。沃斯的任務是準備出庭的證人,一群要在公開法庭上指證一名穆斯林教士的穆斯林。

那名被告擁有合法的宗教資歷,站出來指證他的人也大多是虔誠的信徒,他們不認同的是他鼓吹殺害無辜者這件事。沃斯坐下來跟他們談,開場白是這樣的:你相信過去兩百年裡,美國曆屆政府都是反伊斯蘭的。

對方點頭,說是。對話就從這裡開始。

沃斯強調,他沒有說“我同意”,也沒有說“我不同意”。他只是把對方的信念原封不動地說出來,然後閉嘴,讓對方反應。他說自己從來沒講過“你錯在哪”,從來不亮自己的觀點。所有人最後都出庭作證了。

這段細節裡最容易被忽略的是“然後閉嘴”這四個字。把對方的立場說出來,是一種冒風險的舉動,因為你說完就把主動權交出去了。多數人做不到,是因為說完之後忍不住補一句自己的判斷,那一句補丁會把前面所有的準確全部抵消。對方立刻明白:你剛才的複述只是個鋪墊,你真正想說的是後面那句。

沃斯的說法是,他要讓對方看到一件事:他一點也不怕對方的信念。不怕到什麼程度?不怕到願意把它完整地、不帶反駁地陳述出來。這個動作本身就是訊號。

“我們是同一邊的”,這句話最容易露餡

Lex 在這裡提了一個很自然的疑問:只複述立場,會不會顯得太冷、太像技術操作?要不要加一點點溫度,拍一下肩膀,說一句“兄弟,我懂你”?

沃斯的回答直接把這條路堵死了。

他說人被騙就是因為這個。如果兩個人明明坐在桌子兩側,而他卻要表演成兩個人坐同一邊,那就是不真誠。他的原話是,我的貨幣是誠信(integrity)。

如果我們坐在桌子的兩邊,我卻試圖假裝我們不在兩邊,那我就變得不真誠了。(克里斯·沃斯)

他給了一套更硬的表述:我可以和你一起談我們共同要去的地方,但如果你問我現在是不是站在你這邊,作為一個人,我希望你活下去、過得好,前提是不以我為代價。這個世界機會足夠多,我很樂觀,我有足夠的理由樂觀。所以我不介意你也拿到你的那份,只要別從我的皮上割。這兩件事我都會老實告訴你:我不願意被你割,我也不認為這塊餅不夠分。

他說他不需要在戰爭上、在股權分配上、在你的薪水或者這輛車的成交價上站在你那邊。他只在一個層面上站你那邊:作為人。

這段話可以被拆成一個更普適的模型。信任不是靠“我喜歡你”建立的,是靠“我知道你在算計什麼,而且我不打算假裝我不知道”建立的。把衝突擺到明面上,反而比模糊掉衝突更能推進事情。因為對方心裡的算盤不會因為你表演友善而消失,只會因為你承認了它而變得可以討論。

從十年後的共同好處倒推

沃斯提到一位已故律師湯姆·吉拉爾迪(Tom Girardi)。他說這個人現在的名聲已經很糟,關於他的報道他無從判斷真假,但在自己的接觸裡,對方一直是位紳士,也很慷慨。吉拉爾迪跟人談事情有個習慣:先跳到十年後,設想兩個人都處在極好的位置上,然後從那個點往回推,一步一步把路走出來。

沃斯覺得這句話很妙。他講到自己曾在南加州大學(USC)教書,一次活動上有人告訴他這位是誰,影響力很大。他就直接走過去,自報家門,請對方來課堂上講一講。兩人只是有共同熟人,對方還是答應了,問要講什麼。沃斯的回答是:隨便講什麼都行,講你在這裡的成功,學生要麼同意要麼反對要麼從中學到東西。後來學生還想跟他做角色扮演。

這個“先定終點,再往回推”的動作,在他自己的職業裡是標準流程。他打電話進銀行,劫匪接起來,他說的第一句話是:我想讓你活著。我想看到你活著走出這件事。然後,我們一起挑一個未來的時間點,那個點上我們都還好。再從那裡往回走。

為什麼有效?他給了一個更深的解釋:人是基於對未來的想象做決定的。他舉了個例子,美國有座印度教神廟,完全按一千年前印度建廟的老辦法,靠志願者手工一點點搭起來。這些人拼了命幹活,為的是一個在天堂裡的位置,一個關於未來的圖景。如果未來呈現的樣子是你想要的,你今天可以承受極其誇張的代價。

這條規律反過來用,就是談判的槓桿所在。你沒法靠講道理讓人質案的劫匪放下槍,但你可以讓他看清一個他願意走進去的未來,然後把自己從那個未來裡的威脅項裡刪掉。沃斯還補了半句關於誠信的話:正因為我在“今天我們在對立面”這件事上沒有騙你,你才會願意相信“明天”這個承諾。今天沒被騙,明天大概也不會。

“積極傾聽”這個詞,他一直不喜歡

Lex 問了一個看似基礎的問題:怎麼才能真正聽見另一個人?

沃斯先開了個玩笑,說“抱歉你說什麼”,然後認真回答。他說自己一直討厭 active listening 這個說法,如果非要形容,應該是 proactive,主動的。你開始試著預判對方要往哪走,注意力反而更集中。因為一路上只有兩種結果:要麼你猜對了,於是你在心裡給自己鼓掌;要麼對方突然說了一句你沒預料到的話,那一下你會真的注意到。就是這個“這跟我想的不一樣”的瞬間,把注意力釘住了。

這段解釋裡有一個反直覺的點。通常認為傾聽要求清空自己、完全交給對方,而沃斯描述的是一種帶著假設去聽的狀態。假設不是為了驗證自己正確,是為了製造落差。落差出現的地方,就是資訊密度最高的地方。

他順帶解釋了自己那套方法的命名。書名是《絕不退讓》,方法叫“戰術共情”(tactical empathy),定義是“經過校準的情緒智慧”。校準的依據最初來自資深人質談判專家的經驗,後來他們發現,這些經驗跟神經科學的結論是對得上的。這也是他長期聽安德魯·休伯曼(Andrew Huberman)播客的原因,他自己說是“重度、重度、重度”地泡在神經科學裡。

大腦七成五是負面的,所以要把負面提前說出來

沃斯以一個外行的姿態講了他對大腦的理解,並且明確說了這是外行判斷,學界對具體線路還有爭論。他的說法是:大腦基本上 75% 是負面的。

第二條結論是:關掉負面情緒最有效的辦法,是把它叫出來。

他給了一個可以直接對比的例子。你對人說“我不想讓你因為我要說的話而感到被冒犯”,這是否認,對方的防禦反而立起來了,正準備生氣。換成“我接下來要說的話,大概會冒犯到你”,對方會松一點,說行,你說。等你說完,他的反應往往是:哦,也沒那麼糟。

人質談判早就知道這個規律,把負面說出來,負面就被解除了。後來神經科學做了大量實驗,方向一致。沃斯看到的實驗設計是:負面刺激已經施加之後,讓承受者僅僅把它識別出來。問你現在的感受是什麼,答我很生氣,然後憤怒就下降了。

Lex 在這裡提出了一個真實的兩難。他做過一些對話,聊著聊著對方憤怒起來了。他不確定“指出它”是不是最好的做法。因為那等於往深處走,走進對方正在經歷的情緒與心理層面,而他不太確定該不該用自己這條小船去探那座冰山。

沃斯坦率承認這是個選擇:你可以繞開,也可以迎上去。他用了“房間裡的大象”這個說法。Lex 接著給了自己節目裡的處理方式:這期是對話不是談判,對話沒有明確目標,就是好奇地探索想法,所以他有自由暫時不去碰那頭大象,可以先“去隔壁房間拿點吃的,回頭再說”。

談判和對話,不是一回事

沃斯在這裡做了一個很小的修正,但很關鍵。Lex 說談判是尋求 closure,尋求了結與解決。沃斯說,他會把“了結”這個詞換掉,因為 closure 裡帶著終局的意味,而任何真實談判裡真正麻煩的環節永遠是執行(implementation)。

所以他把談判定義為尋求協作。協作沒有終點,只有下一段。

順著這個思路,他說出了那句他自己很得意的表達:沒有“怎麼做”的“是”,什麼都不是。而“是”這個東西,在最好的情況下也只是一個暫時的願望。

他在鏡子裡練了兩分鐘這句話,Lex 說挺好,你應該寫本書。沃斯說,你的書也很棒。兩個人互相扶持了一下。

“是”通常是贗品。這個判斷在很多場景裡都能驗證。客戶說這個方案很好,我們考慮一下,那不是是。員工說沒問題包在我身上,那不是是。對方說原則上同意,那也不是是。真正的“是”一定帶路徑:誰在什麼時候做什麼,卡住了找誰,第一筆錢什麼時候到。缺了這一段,前面那個“是”只是一次禮貌的收場。

他為什麼會坐在這個麥克風前

對話中途沃斯問了一句:我到底為什麼在這兒?你為什麼要找我聊?

Lex 的回答挺樸素。他在 Clubhouse 之類的地方聽過沃斯講話,也在 YouTube 上看過一些片段,覺得這是個有意思的人。他做這檔播客,就是想探索一個有意思的人的頭腦。他講自己挑嘉賓不看簡歷和頭銜,只是“能不能注意到一個人”。有時候在 7-11 門口看見一個無家可歸的人,也會想:你是誰。

他舉了另一個例子。他訪談過一位在 OnlyFans 上的性工作者,那個人的世界觀跟他幾乎完全不重疊,但活得很快樂、很興旺,價值體系和 Lex 完全不同,同時又不帶攻擊性,能接受別的世界觀。他說這種探索很美。

沃斯接著把話往下推了一層。他說自己是個樂觀的人,認為世界是豐盛的(abundant),所以他有一套世界觀。當你遇到一個同樣快樂、同樣覺得世界豐盛、但體系完全不同的人,你會冒出一個念頭:是我的腦袋有問題,還是他的有問題,我到底漏掉了什麼?

這個問題本身就是共情的起點。多數人遇到世界觀衝突的第一反應是校正對方,而好奇心驅動的第一反應是懷疑自己的地圖不全。後者才有可能談成事。

Lex 把話接回談判:餅是會變大的,所以當你給對方描繪未來時,如果能傳遞出“我們兩個都會贏”,那種感覺本身就在推動成交。沃斯同意,並且說這在現實裡確實成立。只不過很多人希望你以為不是這樣,那種聲音的來源就是前面說的負面偏向。他給了一句很形象的話:悲觀的那個穴居人活了下來,我們都是悲觀者的後代。樂觀的那位被劍齒虎吃了。

但事情在這裡拐了個彎。今天真正在造東西的,是樂觀的那批人。從什麼時候開始,我們不再被劍齒虎吃,開始修橋、蓋樓、造計算機、開公司?沃斯把這道分水嶺叫生存心態與成功心態的區別:成功心態是高度樂觀的。問題是我們什麼時候切換過去,以及怎麼讓自己別切回來。

他給的答案帶著一點演化味道:某一天我們不再被劍齒虎吃了,開始造東西,資料反饋回來告訴我們合作是可行的,於是我們不再聽杏仁核的,開始聽直覺的。

“不跟恐怖分子談判”這句話的真實履歷

回到政策。Lex 問沃斯怎麼看這個原則。沃斯的回答是:那不是政策,從來不是。至少 2002 年之後不是。

那一年小布什簽署了第 12 號國家安全總統指令,核心表述是不做讓步,但那不等於不對話。沃斯人在哥倫比亞,深度參與過這份檔案的簽署過程,一字一句都清楚。使館二號人物拿電視講話來質問他,他的回答前面已經說過:總統大概是那麼說了,但那不是他籤的東西。

他講,這句話之所以一直活著,是因為它是個好用的口號。而只要把“談判”定義清楚,問題就消解了:如果談判僅僅指溝通,那每一屆政府都在跟恐怖分子談,一直在談。

他還點了幾筆賬。奧巴馬用關塔那摩的五名塔利班高層換回一名美軍士兵,那位士兵回國後立刻被關了起來。沃斯認為那是筆糟糕的交易,等於把恐怖分子放回戰場。特朗普接著來了一次更大的,把五千名恐怖分子放回了戰場。他的結論是:自從這句話變成口號以來,兩黨沒有任何一位總統真的守住過它。

把人放回戰場,這不叫跟另一個政府談判。這是直接推翻你自己剛剛宣稱的那件事。(克里斯·沃斯)

格林那筆交易:好的部分和爛的部分

Lex 把話題從原則拉到具體案例,問惠蘭和格林那類換囚該怎麼談。這裡指的是女籃球員布里特妮·格林(Brittney Griner)在俄羅斯被拘留後美方用軍火商維克托·布特(Viktor Bout)換回她這件事。

沃斯先講立場,講得很硬。他同意她屬於被錯誤拘留,不該待在監獄裡。他認為美國政府在這件事上有一條底線不能破:永遠不應該有二等公民。不管你是 WNBA 球員,還是一個走錯地方的糊塗蛋,你的政府永遠、永遠不能把你丟下。

然後是過程。他說這件事本該有一場談判,而當時的處境是:他們在非常糟糕的時點急於成交。早前有過條件好得多的換囚方案,被拒了。後來事情鬧大,他用了“感謝上帝”這個說法,因為公眾的關注度足夠高,壓力一直壓在政府身上,最終才成交。這裡有一個殘酷的機制:一個人的命運,在很多時候取決於公眾注意力的持續時間。

他也承認政府願意做這類交易本身沒問題,問題在於性質。他判斷那本質上是一場政治談判。而把五千名塔利班放回戰場,跟把五個人放回戰場,性質上都不是在跟另一個政府談判,是直接跟自己的公開宣稱對著幹。這些交易都不好。

那格林這筆呢?沃斯的回答分了兩半:對她個人而言,這是極好的結果。如果他在中間操盤,會做得更好,而她依然能回家。這句話很沃斯,他既不給官方的做法背書,也不否認結果的正當性,他把“人的安危”和“交易的代價”拆成兩筆賬分開算。

順著 Lex 關於面對面談判價值的問題,沃斯的態度很明確:見面談是個極好的主意。他沒有展開太多,但前面那套邏輯已經能支撐這個判斷。文字和鏡頭都是低頻寬通道,人在其中只能傳遞立場;坐到同一張桌子前,才有機會傳遞那個“未來我們都還好”的圖景,也才有機會讓對方驗證你是不是在騙他。

把兩個人放進同一個房間

Lex 最後把話推到了最難的地方。烏克蘭的戰爭已經打了一年多,對他來說這是極其私人的事,因為他跟那片土地有淵源,他要回去。澤連斯基公開說過不想跟普京談。那麼,如果真把普京和澤連斯基放進一個房間,拜登坐在旁邊,或者坐在桌邊參與,透過對話這件事,有可能找到和平嗎?

沃斯的回答只有一句:我認為完全可能。

這句判斷聽上去輕,但它背後站著整期對話裡所有的方法論。一個能和拿槍的劫匪通上話的人,和一個能和紐約法庭上的穆斯林證人坐到一起的人,和一個認為可以對普京共情的人,他會認為這件事可行,本身不奇怪。他的整套體系不依賴雙方有好感,不依賴雙方先取得共識,甚至不依賴雙方承認對方合法。它只依賴三件事:準確說出對方站的位置,不假裝自己是同一邊,然後一起挑一個雙方都願意接受的未來,從那裡往回走。

這套方法最難的地方不在技巧,在於你能不能在完全不同意一個人的時候,依然準確地把他的世界說出來,而且說完之後不補那句“但是”。大多數人做不到,不是因為不夠聰明,是因為受不了那種“我好像站到他那邊了”的不適感。

沃斯全程都在回答同一個問題:你怎麼在完全沒有信任的前提下,跟一個你不認同、甚至不希望他贏的人,把事情往前推一步。答案是先從誠實開始。誠實到承認今天我們在對立面,誠實到承認他手裡的牌是什麼,誠實到承認自己的底線在哪。這些都不溫柔,但它們構成了唯一能承重的底座。

最後那段話最值得記住。一個人願意在今天承受極其誇張的代價,是因為他腦子裡有一個想要的未來。所以談判真正的槓桿從來不在桌上,在對方腦子裡那幅畫上。你能做的是讓那幅畫裡出現一條路,然後把你自己從畫裡的威脅那一欄挪出去。

  • 下一次重要溝通前,先花兩分鐘把對方的處境寫成三句話,寫到他本人看了會點頭。不要寫你希望他相信什麼,寫他實際相信什麼。
  • 練習說“你相信……”,說完立刻停住。不要接“但是”“不過”“我的看法是”,讓對方先反應。這一停頓是整個動作的全部難度。
  • 檢查自己有沒有在表演同一邊。坐在對立面就承認坐在對立面,把“我不願意被你割”和“這塊餅夠兩個人分”這兩句話都老實說出來,別隻挑一句。
  • 任何承諾後面追問“怎麼做”:誰、什麼時候、第一步是什麼、卡住找誰。沒有這一段的“是”,當成沒說過。
  • 要說不好的事,提前把它的負面說出來。“我接下來要說的話可能讓你不舒服”比“我不是想冒犯你”有效得多,前者是預告,後者是否認。
  • 想讓人接受一個方案,先讓他描述自己想要的未來,再從他描述的那個點往回推。你描繪的未來他不認,講再多道理都是零。
  • 把談判重新定義成尋求協作,而不是追求了結。簽完字只是開始,執行階段才是真考場。
文稿由本站用語音識別模型(基於官方釋出音訊)機器轉寫,可能有識別錯誤,人名與數字請以音訊為準。
Lex Fridman Podcast #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator Machine transcription by Qwen3-ASR 0.6B (MLX, local, Apache-2.0). May contain recognition errors. The following is a conversation with Chris Voss, former FBI hostage and crisis negotiator, and author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if your life depended on it. And now a quick two second mention of his sponsor. Check them out in the description. It's the best way to support this podcast. We got Shopify for e commerce, Indeed for hiring great teams, and Inside Tracker for biological data. Choose wisely, my friends. Also, if you want to work with our team, we're always hiring. Go to lexfreeman dot com slash hiring. And now onto the full ad reads. As always, no ads in the middle. I try to make this interesting, but if you must skip them, please still check out our sponsors. I enjoy their stuff, maybe you will too. This show is also brought to you by Shopify, a platform designed for anyone to sell anywhere with a great looking online store that brings your ideas to life and tools to manage day to day operations. And it also taunts me, Lex. For being a lazy person, because I should have already set up a little shop for selling merch, which people have been asking me for—just a couple of T-shirts that allow you to celebrate a thing you are into, which I love doing. I am into a lot of stuff. I am a fan of a large number of podcasts. I wear their merch, I wear their shirts, bands. I have more Metallica shirts than I can count, and it's just wonderful to share the thing that brings you joy with the rest of the world. And then it starts a conversation, and then you are like, "You love Metallica too." I love Metallica, and then the rest of the conversation somehow flourishes. With a even a greater bigger than it otherwise might have, I guess it's a catalyst for the initial spark of um. Of a conversation that shares a kind of thread, you start at the thread and the thread creates a garden. There you go. Sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify dot com slash lex. All lowercase. Go to Shopify dot com slash lex to take your business to the next level today. And also yell at me if I haven't set up a Shopify store soon, please. I need your help. This show is also brought to you by Indeed, a hiring website. I've used them many times for the many hiring efforts I've done for the teams I've led in the past. I've recently actually had to write a few recommendation letters for people who I've worked with in the past. And I really enjoy doing that because it reminds me how awesome the people are. It kind of takes me back to those times. And those those months those years that you get to spend together on a difficult problem, you get to solve it together. The camaraderie of that, the struggles of that, the passions of that. The ups and downs. We are really hopeful one day, and then there is all these problems and you think the ideas you are doing are totally stupid and it's not going to work out and you kind of. Like can't quite figure out the puzzle of it, and you might have to start over completely. You have to backtrack all of that—the full mess of that—and you get to share that together. And ultimately, at least for the things I've worked on, there is a mission, there is a dream to understand something deeply or to help a large number of people, and that just gives a whole journey of struggle together meaning. I'll mention that because the process of building up a team, the process of hiring a team, is so important because a great team is so important—not just the success of the company or research group or anything you are doing relationships. It's also just a source of happiness. So use the best tools for the job of building the team, and Indeed is an incredible tool. Indeed knows when you are growing your own business. Every dollar counts. That's why with Indeed you only pay for quality applications that match your job requirements. Visit indeed dot com slash lex to start hiring now. That's indeed dot com slash lex. Terms and conditions apply. Cost per application pricing not available for everyone. This show is also brought to you by Inside Tracker, a service I use to track biological data. An interesting small scale example of that. Perhaps you can hear it from my nose at the moment. Is that I started getting allergies as nature wakes up from its winter slumber. And I think it's already a year ago, maybe a little bit over than that. I got a test for different things I am allergic to. And they put different things on your skin. It's like this grid, and you get to see what are the things that you are allergic to based on. That little grid cell of the skin having an allergic reaction, and I was not allergic to most things, but there is a few that stood out. It's an interesting little data point, right? It's probably true that over time that changes. Maybe across a period of months and years, based on the medication you take, based on environmental conditions, based on your diet—all that kind of stuff—and so it'd be nice to do that same test over and over and over to get a sense of how my allergic reaction to the world around me changes. Okay. There is a million things like this, and the core to you making a good effective decision on what you should do with your life—lifestyle, health, diet, whatever. Is to ground that in data. So the core to the allergy thing is data. The core to everything inside Tracker does is data. I am really excited about personalized data-driven advice for how to make your life better. Get special savings for limited time when you go to insidetracker dot com slash lex. This is Alex Friedman podcast to support it. Please check out our sponsors in the description. And now dear friends, here is Chris Voss. What is it like negotiating for a hostage with a kidnapper? What is the toughest part of that process? The toughest part is if it looks bad from the beginning, and you got to engage in a process anyway. What are the factors that make it bad? That that makes you nervous that if you were to observe a situation whether it's general negotiation or it's a hostage negotiation. What makes you think that this is going to be difficult? If they want to make it look like they're negotiating, but they're not. Like in the two thousand four time frame, Al Qaeda in Iraq was executing people on camera for the publicity. And they wanted to make it look like they were negotiating, so they'd come on and they say, "If you don't get all the women out of Iraqi women out of the jails in Iraq in seventy two hours, we're going to kill a hostage." It was one of the demands in one of the cases in that time frame. Now first of all, even if we'd have been willing, the U.S. government coalition would have been willing to do that. It wouldn't have been able to happen in seventy two hours. So is it an impossible ask from the beginning? And so then that looks really bad. Like they're they're trying to make it they're trying to make it look like they're talking reasonably, and but they're not. So your hostage is in bad shape there. If they made a demand. That you just even if you wanted to do you couldn't do, so then what makes that very difficult is in kidnappings especially. You are working with family members. You are coaching people. Bad guys are in touch with family members, or if they're not directly in touch with family members, the other thing that Al Qaeda was doing at that time was. They didn't give us a way to talk to them. They make they're making statements in the media, but then not leaving their phone number if you will. Yeah. So that's one more thing. Like they're intentionally blocking you. They're asking you to do something you can't do. Then I've given you a way to talk to them. So you got to get with the family and discuss with the family how you are going to approach things. Now the family definitely wants to know is this going to help? There is a bunch of cases like that in that time frame. And you got to be honest with them. It's a long shot. Our chance is here slim and none. And when it's slim and none, I'll take slim, but it's still very very slim. And there were a number of people that were killed in that time frame before the tide finally got turned, and it was it was hard dealing with families at the time. Can you negotiate in public versus like a direct channel in private? Oh yeah, bad guys pick the media. They're making statements in the media, so and that's a big clue. Their their channel of choice tells you an awful lot. And if they're choosing the media, then that means there is people are trying to appeal to. That means in their view, there is such a thing as good media. So if there is good media, there is bad media. How do you make it bad? And we made it bad for them. It just unfortunately it had to go through a number of iterations before they got the message and quit. In that negotiation, do you think about the value of human life? Is there a dollar figure? Is there how how do you enumerate not enumerate quantify the value of human life? Yeah, that's it's like beauty in the eye of the beholder. So that was the first lesson on any hostage negotiation—really any negotiation. Like it doesn't matter what it is to you, matters what it is to the other side. One of the things, especially in your in your conversation I listened to with that Andrew. By the way, you guys, I another thing I really liked about that conversation. First of all, I think the world of him. Andrew Huberman. Yeah, Andrew Huberman, and you released it on my birthday. I appreciate that. It was nice birthday present to me perfectly just for you. Yeah, nice job, thank you. But empathy is in the eye of the beholder. In every negotiation, whether it's over a car, a house, collaboration in your company with the bad guys, how does the other side see it? Now the nice thing about kidnapping for ransom if there if there is an actual ransom demand, it's an actual demand. Is it's a mercenary's business? They're going to take what they could get, and they tend to be really good. At figuring out how much money somebody has, so and again I'll keep drawing business analogies. You are looking for a job with an employer. There is a market price of the job, and then there is what the employer can pay you. Now maybe the market price of the job markets one hundred fifty grand. Employer can pay one twenty. But it's a great job, you know. We were talking about Elon a minute ago. Like I'd work minimum wage to follow him around. You know that would be worth it. What are the value other than the dollars? And how hard is it to get the dollars? And how quickly can you get to them? Those these are all things that the bad guys are good in kidnapping are good at figuring out. So the value of human life to them is going to be what can they get? A crazy thing in the kidnap business. We used to get asked by FBI leadership, when is this going to be over? And the answer would be when the bad guys feel like they've gotten everything they can. Now dissecting that statement. You are talking about when they feel like they got everything they can. So the key to kidnapping negotiations are the feelings of the bad guys. We're talking about feelings kidnappers' feelings. Which drives everything. Doesn't matter what human endeavor it is. So it's not reason, it's emotion. There is no such thing as reason. I should say, for a little bit of context, I just talked yesterday with a guy named Sam Harris. I don't know if you know Sam, but Sam and because I was preparing for a conversation with you. I talked to him about empathy versus reason, and he lands heavily on reason. Yeah, empathy is somewhere between useless and erroneous and leads you astray and is not effective. That reason is the only way forward. Well, let's draw some fine lines there, and the two fine lines I would draw is first what is your definition of empathy, and then secondly. How do people actually make up their minds? And I am and I am going to flip it. I am going to go with how people make up their minds. You make up your mind based on what you care about. Period. That makes reason emotion based. What do you care about? You start with what you care about. You see some guy swimming out in off the coast of the ocean, and you see a shark coming up behind him. Who are you cheering for? If it's Adolf Hitler out there, you are cheering for the shark. You might actually feel bad for the shark because it's going to it's going to taste bad. Who do you care about? You mean the human will taste bad? Yeah, you know he eats Adolf Hitler. You know it's going to leave a bad taste in your mouth, even if you are a shark. So you making up your mind on every circumstances based on what you care about. So then what does that do to reason? Your reason is based on what you care about from the beginning. Now then empathy. If you define it as sympathy, which it was never meant to be sympathy ever. You know, I've etymology. I think it's the word. I keep getting etymology and etymology mixed up. Etymology being right, where words came from, the origin etymology being bugs. Got it right. So I like etymology. Where did something come from? I also like etymology. Anyway, etymology. My understanding from my research. The original definition of empathy was an interpretation of a German word, where people were trying to figure out what the artist was trying to convey. It was about assessing art. And so was always about understanding where somebody was coming from, but not sharing necessarily. That same thing. So then when I was with the FBI and I first started collaborating with Harvard, Bob Menouken wrote a book. Beyond winning second chapter's attention between empathy and assertiveness. Still the best chapter on empathy I've ever read anywhere. And Bob writes in his book, Bob was the head of the program on negotiation. He's also agreed to be interviewed for a documentary that about me and my company. That hasn't been released yet, but it should be released sometime this year. What's the name of the documentary? Tactical empathy. Good name. So Bob's definition of empathy said not agreeing. Or even liking the other side, don't even got to like them. Don't got to agree with them, just straight. Understanding where they're coming from and articulating it, which requires no agreement whatsoever. That becomes a very powerful tool, like ridiculously powerful. And if it if sympathy or compassion or agreement are not included, you can be empathic with anybody. I was thinking about this. When I was getting ready to sit down and talk to you because you use the word empathy a lot. Putin. I can be empathic with Putin. Easy, it's easy. I don't agree with where he's coming from. I don't agree with his methodology. Early on the Ukraine Russian war, I saw an article that was very dismissive of Russia. That said, Russia's basically Europe's gas station, and I thought, all right. So if you are in charge, and the way you feed your people is via an industry that the entire world is trying to quit. The whole world is trying to get out of fossil fuels. If that's how you feed your people, if you don't come up with an answer to that, the people that you've taken a responsibility for are going to die alone in the cold in the dark. They're going to freeze and they're going to die. All right, so that doesn't mean that I agree with where he's coming from or any of his means. But where is how does this guy see things in his distorted word? You are never going to get through to somebody like that in a conversation unless you can demonstrate to them you understand where they're coming from, whether or not you agree. Early nineties, last century. I am a last century guy. I am an old dude. Refer to myself as a last century guy. Also deeply flawed human. Yeah. So terrorist case New York City civilian court terrorism does not have to be tried in military tribunals. That's a very bad idea. It was always bad. The FBI was always against it. I am getting ready. We have Muslims testifying in open court against a legitimate Muslim cleric. The guy that was on trial had the credentials as a legitimate Muslim cleric. The people that were testifying against him didn't think he should be advocating murder of innocent people. We'd sit down with them, Arab Muslims, Egyptians, mostly, and I would say to them, "You believe that there has been a succession of American governments for the last two hundred years that are anti-Islamic. " And they shake their head and go, "Yeah, and that be the start of the conversation. That's empathy. You believe this to be the case. I never said I agreed. I never said I disagreed. But I showed him that I wasn't afraid of their beliefs. I was so unafraid of them that I was willing to just state them. And not disagree or contradict because I I would say that and then I'd shut up and let them react. And I never had to say, 'Here is why you are wrong.' I never gave my point of view. Every single one of them that testified—that's empathy, not agreeing with where the other side is coming from. I am not sure how Sam would define it, but common vernacular is it sympathy and its compassion, and that's when it becomes useless. And there is a gray area. Maybe you can comment on it. Is sometimes a drop of compassion. Helps make that empathy more effective in the conversation. So you are just saying you believe X doesn't quite form a strong of a bond with the other person. You are imagining it doesn't. Maybe you are right. Yes, I am imagining it doesn't. I am imagining you need to show that you are on the same side. That you need to signal a little bit about your actual beliefs, at least in that moment, even if those that signaling is a. Is not as deep as it sounds, but at first you know basically patting the person on the back and saying we're on the same side, brother. You know that's that's what most people. When they're really learning the concept, that's the basic human reaction. And. In application, especially in highly adversarial situations. Like, I need, I need a regular guy Muslim, but how's that guy going to say, "Buy it if I like, you know, do it, I'm on your side." I've been there, I feel you. No, no, no, no, no. People get conned by that so much. Like, if we're on opposite sides of the table, and I try to act like I'm not on the opposite side of the table, that makes me disingenuous. So, I would rather be honest, my you know, my currency is integrity. And at some point in time, you go like, you know where I'm coming from. My answer is going to be like, look, I can agree on maybe where we're going, but if we're talking about, you know, am I on your side now as a human being? I want to see you survive and thrive, not at my expense. I think the world is full of opportunity. I'm optimistic. I got more than enough reason for saying that. Is enough for here for both of us. So I got no problem with you getting yours. You know, just don't take it out of my hide, and I'm going to be honest about it. About both of those things, I'm not interested in you taking it out of my hide. I think there's plenty here for both of us. Now I don't I don't need to be on your side except in a in a human. Sense, but I don't do I have to side with you over the war, no, or the how we're distributing the stock, or how much you get paid, or how much you make off this car. I think people, my experience as a layman, is that empathy's not got a downside. That you don't you don't need me to act like I'm on your side for us to make a great deal. Great deal. Well, we'll talk about two things: a great deal and a great conversation. Right, they're usually they're often going to be the same thing, but at times they're going to be different. That's a you mentioned Vladimir Putin. There is some zoom level at which you do want to say we're on the same side. You said the human level. It's possible to say kind of zoom out and say that we're all in this together, not we Slavic people, we Europeans, we, but we human beings. Same planet, same planet. Right. Several years ago, and his name is evidently been mud now, but he was very nice to meet lawyer here in town named Tom Girardi. And no shortage of bad reporting on him now. I have absolutely no idea if any of it's true. I do know that in my interaction with him, he was always a gentleman to me and was very generous. When he'd get into conversations with people, he'd always say like you know let's look at 10 years from now where we could both be in a phenomenal place together. Now let's work our way back from there. That's a good line. Yeah, and then you know I saw him do it in simulations. He I was teaching a USC. We were at a function together, and a gentleman at the time told me that that who he was and it was really influential. So I walked up to the guy cold and I said, "Hey, you know I'm going to come in and talk to my class at USC." He didn't know me other than the fact that we had mutual acquaintance, and he graciously consented to come in. And he said, "What do you want me to talk about?" And I said, "Look, dude, just from your success here, it doesn't matter what you talk about. You know either I'm going to agree or I'm going to disagree or I'm going to learn from it. My students are going to learn from it. So students want to role play with them. You know they dispute. You know I still negotiate every single time. He'd go to pick a point in the future where we're both happy. 10 years, 20 years from now, and let's work our way back. Now hostage negotiator, same thing. I call into a bank. Bad guy picks up on the picks up on the phone, and I'm going to say, "I want you to live. You know I want to see you survive this. You know whatever else goes with that. Let's pick a point in the future that we're both good with. " And then we work our way back. And people make also we're talking before about emotion and what you care about. People make their decisions based on their vision of the future. Like without question, there's I think there's a Hindu temple in the United States. Being has been or being assembled same way that the Hindu temples were in India 1000 years ago by hand volunteers by hand. That these people are knocking themselves out for a place in paradise a vision of the future. What you will go through today if the future portends what you want you you'll go through incredible things today. So it's a vision of the future. So you have to try to paint a a vision of the future that the the person you're negotiating with will like. Just tough to do. Let's find out what their vision of the future is, and then remove yourself as a threat. Sure, you know if we can collaborate together. At all, if if you think that I could do anything at all to help you to that point, and you know integrity is my currency. I'm not going to lie to you, which gets back before that I lied to you about whether or not I'm on your side. You know right now at the moment we're on opposite sides of the fence. That's not going to stop us from being together in the future. Inside you're going to say, "Well, you didn't lie to me about today. Maybe you won't lie to me about tomorrow." So going back to world leaders, for example, whether it's Vladimir Zelensky or Vladimir Putin, you don't think it closes off their mind to show that. You have a different opinion, depending upon when you showed it. Is that is are you arguing from the beginning or are you displaying understanding from the beginning? I don't I don't think it stops you from being adversarial. That was the thing about Menounkin's. The chapter in his book, the tension between empathy and assertiveness. I remember reading that reading that name of the chapter thinking like you know. In my business, there is no tension, and then I got into it and I read I thought this is Red Herring. He's drawing people in because his entire chapter is that empathy puts you in a position to assert, and that there is no tension. It's a sequencing issue, and that's why again I think it's it was written for lawyers. Yeah, sequencing issue. The timing is everything. So you emphasize the importance of in terms of sequencing and priority of listening. Of truly listening to the other person. I'm sorry, what did you say? That was a bad joke. Sorry, your timing is just perfect. How do you how do you listen? How do you truly listen to another human being? How do you notice them? How do you really hear them? I always hated the term active listening. If anything, it's proactive, and as soon as you start to try to anticipate where somebody's going, you're dialed in more. Um, because along the way, either you're congratulating yourself for being right, or when suddenly they say something that surprises you, you really notice it. Like that's not what I expected. You're dialed in, you're listening, so it's it's. Proactive and then one of the reasons you know we named the book tactical empathy. Name the book, never split the difference, but we're talking about tactical empathy. Calibrated emotional intelligence. What's a calibrated by? First, it was experiences hostage negotiators, but and we've come to find out that our experiences hostage negotiators. Is backed up by neuroscience. Another reason why I listen to Andrew Huberman's podcast all the time—heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy on the neuroscience. And so then emotional intelligence calibrated by what we know about neuroscience. What do we know about neuroscience? And I'll talk about it from a layman's perspective and and to even say we's an arrogant thing, you know human beings. I didn't do the research. I'm scooping up as much of it as I can as a layman. The brain's largely negative. I think there's ample evidence people would argue with you as to what the wiring is and what does what. And the limbic system and all of that, but the brain is basically 75 negative. As an layman, I make that contention. Number one, number two. The best way to deactivate negativity is by calling it out, and I could say, "Look, I don't I don't want you to be offended by what I'm getting ready to say. That's a denial. Your guard is up. You're getting ready to get mad. If I say what I'm getting ready to say is probably going to offend you. " Now you relax a little bit, and you go, "All right, what is it? " And then I say it, whatever it is, and you're going to be like, "Oh, that wasn't that bad. " Because we knew from hostage negotiation by calling out the negativity deactivated, and then number of neuroscience experiments have been done right and left by calling out negativity, deactivating the negativity. Calling out ahead of time, so like acknowledging that this is that this is ahead of time that this is going to hurt. The experiments that I've seen have been when the negativity was inflicted and then having a person that it was being inflicted upon simply identify it. Just identify. Yeah, what are you feeling? I'm angry and the anger goes away. It's tough because I've had a few, and again we're dancing between things, but I've had a few conversations where anger arose in the guest I spoke with. Yeah, and I'm not sure identifying it. That that that's like leaning into it and going into the depths. Because that's going to the depths of some emotional psychological thing they're going through. That I'm not sure I want to explore that iceberg with a little ship we got. It's a you have to decide do you want to avoid it. I do want to lean into it. It's a tough choice. Elephant in the room. It is an elephant in the room. It is an elephant, especially when I think that's the big difference between conversations and negotiations. Negotiation ultimately. Is looking for closure and resolution. I think general conversations like this is more exploring. There's not necessarily a goal. Like if you were to put like if I had to put a goal for this conversation, there's no real goal. It's curiously exploring ideas. So that gives you freedom to not call out the elephant for for time. You could be like, "All right, let's go to the next room, get a snack, and come back to the elephant." Right. All right, so I'd make a tiny adjustment on the negotiation definition. Sure, because you said I think seeking closure. Um, it used two words. Enclosure was one of them. Goals, maybe another. Well, yeah, what is what is negotiation? Well, I would say seeking collaboration. And because closure kind of puts a little bit of a finality to it, and a real problem in any negotiation is always implementation. It's why we say yes is I say yes is nothing without how. And yes, and it's at its very best is only a temporary aspiration. It's aspirational. It's usually counterfeit. So if you're looking for, that's a good line. Yes is usually counterfeit. It's aspirational without the how. Yeah, it's just a good line. Yeah, thank you. I've been working on it. I was practicing. I in front of the mirror for two minutes. Pretty good. You got a bright future. You should write a book or something. Yeah, your book is excellent. By the way, thanks. Appreciate that. What am I doing here anyway? This on Earth in general, you with you. I don't know. We're collaborating. Why me though? Why why why do you want to talk to me? I've heard you speak in a few places. I was like, "This this is a fascinating human." Um, I think on Clubhouse and different places, and I I listen to some YouTube stuff, and this is. Just you meet people that are interesting. That that's that's what I love doing with this podcast is just exploring the mind of an interesting person. You notice people sometimes you sometimes it's like a homeless person outside of 711. I notice who are you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fascinating. It doesn't like I don't look at the resumes and the credentials and stuff like that. It's just being able to notice a person. As I've been leafing through the different choices of the podcast, the young lady that only fans and the sex workers. That's a fascinating human being. Like I want to know what makes that person tick at 1000. The fascinating thing about her is her worldview is almost entirely different than mine, and that's always interesting to talk to a person who just is happy. Flourishing, but sees the world and the set of values she has is completely different, and and is also not argumentative is accepting of other worldviews. It's beautiful to explore that. Yeah, no kidding, I would agree. And then yeah, thought provoking because I consider myself. Um, the word I was looking for before was abundant. I think it's an abundant world, so I'm pretty optimistic. I consider myself. I don't know happy exactly describes it, but yeah, you know I'm a so then if I'm happy optimistic abundant, I got a worldview, and then you run into somebody that has a vastly different worldview, and they're happy and they think it's abundant too. And you're like, "What is going on in your head or mine or what am I missing? " Yeah, so that's fascinating. And the pie grows, which is useful for kind of negotiation when you paint a picture of a future. If you're optimistic about that future, there's a kind of feeling like we're both going to win here. Exactly, and that's easy. We live in a world where both people can win. Yeah, and and in point of fact, that's the case. Although it's a lot of people want us to think otherwise. Mostly because the negativity that was talking about before, so the brain is generally cynical. Yeah, my description of it is the pessimistic cave man survived, and we're descendants of the pessimists. Yeah, optimistic guy got eaten by a saber tooth tiger. Yeah, but on the flip side, the optimists seem to be the ones that actually build stuff these days. There's a switch. Like, so at what point of time do we catch on? Because the difference between survival and success mindset. The success mindset is highly optimistic. So where do we switch, or how do we stay switched from survival to success? That's the challenge. Yeah, somewhere we stopped being eaten by saber tooth tigers and started building bridges and buildings and computers and companies, and we started to experience we got enough data back. To collaborate, and we stop listening to our amygdala and we start to listen to our gut. Let me just to return briefly to terrorists. What do you think about the policy of not negotiating with terrorists? Well, that's not the policy. First of all, now everybody thinks that's the policy. Yeah, it hasn't been the policy since 2002 when Bush 43 signed a national security presidential directive (NSPD) the time it was NSPD 12. Which basically said, "Um, we won't make concessions. That doesn't mean we won't talk. " So I'm in Colombia at the same time, and I have been intimately involved with the signing of him signing that document. I knew exactly what it said, and I and he didn't inherit it from somebody else. He signed it, and I'm in Colombia, and the number two in the embassy says. Last night on TV, the president of the United States said, "We don't negotiate with terrorists. Are you calling a president of the United States a liar?" And I remember thinking like, "All right, so he probably said that, and that's not on the document that he signed." So I said, "Look, you know I'm familiar with what he's signed, and that's not what it says. Well, you know, and so the argument, but that's always been the sound bite that everybody likes. We don't negotiate with terrorists. Depends upon your definition of negotiation. If it's just communication, we negotiate with them all the time. Number one and number two. Like every president has made some boneheaded deal with the bad guys. Like Obama released five high-level Taliban leaders from Guantanamo in exchange for an A Wale soldier that we immediately threw in jail. And I thought that was a horrible deal, and that that's putting terrorists back on a battlefield. And then Trump turned around and topped it by putting 5,000 terrorists back on a battlefield. So we haven't had a president that stick has stuck to that on either side of the aisle since people started throwing that out as a sound bite. What do you think of that negotiation? Forget terrorists, but the global negotiation like with with Vladimir Putin the recent negotiation over prisoners. The exchange, the Britney Grinder. Is there way to do that negotiation successfully? First of all, I agree with the idea that she was wrongfully detained and she and she didn't deserve to be in jail, and that U.S. government there should be no second class citizens ever. And whether you're an WNBA player or you're just some bonehead that walked into the wrong situation, your government should not abandon you ever ever. Now what they do in the meantime, there should have been a negotiation. They were desperate to make a deal at a bad time. They'd been offered far better deals in prisoner swaps earlier and turned them down. And then he gets turned up, and thank God for Britney Grinder that the public got enough attention. They kept pressure on the administration. They made a deal. Now governments want to make those kind of deals. That's fine, as long as it because that was basically a political negotiation. You're putting 5,000 Taliban back on a battlefield. That ain't negotiating with another government. You're putting five of them back on a battlefield. That ain't negotiating with another government. That's directly contradicting this thing that you claimed, and those were all bad deals. Was the Britney Grinder thing a bad deal? I think it was great for her. If I was in the middle of it, would have been better, and she still would have come home. Yeah, there's some technical aspects of that negotiation. What do you think is the value? Just the link on it of meeting in person for the negotiation. I think it's a great idea. Can I just just follow that tangent along? There's a war in Ukraine now. It's been going on over a year. It's a for me personally giving my life stories is is a is a deeply personal one and I'm returning back to that area of the world I was there. Volodymyr Zelensky said he doesn't want to talk to to Vladimir Putin. Do you think they could get in a room together? And say you were there in a room with Putin and Zelensky and Biden is sitting in the bag drinking a cocktail or maybe he is at the table participating. How is it possible through negotiation through the art of conversation to find peace in this very tense geopolitical conflict? I think it's eminently possible.

本集資源與出處